We all like sex. There really isn't a person alive that doesn't, no matter what they say. Models, presidents, single people, married people (harder to tell here), pretty people and people who look like troglodytes. Sex with another is not always necessary, although most would agree is the preferred method, but sex is what drives us. For men I think there is really nothing else besides the need for food and water, that makes more of our decisions for us than sex. Men make decisions on what clothes to wear, what cars to buy, what financial risks to take, how much debt to take on and what careers to aspire towards based on how much sex we will get when we get there. There is nothing wrong with this, it's the way we are all built, but it leads to the question; Who is in control, us or the Sex?
Sex is without a doubt as close to an illegal drug high as you can get without smoking, snorting or inhaling something. When we get it it is all consuming, incredibly single mindedly obsessive, but when we are without it we begin to feel the compounding, progressively increasing pull of it nagging on our brains. Each of us has a different threshold at which we start to pull our hair out, but it's there for all of us. When will I get it next, who will I get it/share it with next? Should I just take the edge off, do it myself and get on with my day? I am getting older and saggier and sex might be harder to get tomorrow so I should hurry up and get some tonight while I have the chance. Maybe I should get more sex now and that will be like putting it in the bank since I dont think I will be getting any for a while. I am fully endorse morning, noon and nighters, but it does not store for us like money. When its over it is back to Oprah and Dr Phil trying to explain to us how to be happy.
The comedy forty days and forty nights, made me wonder who was in control in my life. Was I the master of my domain or not? How long could I have control of myself and my life, how much clearer would I think without sex, how much more would I get done if I were to try like in the movie to not have any kind of sex for forty days and nights? Was it humanly possible without either becoming a monk by default, or damaging something, maybe irreversibly. It was just a movie, but it made me think. It really was a terrible idea, really bad, the lead charactor nearly goes insane, seeing hallucinations while trying to complete it …..But I decided to do it anyway. Think climbing Mt.Everest is tough? Now imagine everyone climbing the mountain has a heated slide right beside them the whole way up that would take them clear to the bottom where they would land softly in a warm swimming pool with women in bikinis and free margaritas. How many do you think would make it to the top? That is more like what this is like.
Stirring the pot is a good idea for all of us to do. If you know exactly what you are going to be doing everyday next week, and could with a pretty good measure tell someone who you will see, and where you will be each and every day, you are in a rut. Personally I like my rut, its like a blanket I come back to from time to time to lay in, sleep late in it, and stop thinking for a while while enjoying the peace of it. But then its time to stir the pot, add something new, add a new person, a new activity, a new thought. Call up a club and join it, look in the back of a local paper, no avoiding the freaky personals, and look for an invitation to join something new. Then suck up the fear and nerves and go. See what happens. Avoid the TV, and god damn it if you have a TV in your bedroom get rid of it, you will never get laid with it there. Change a little something and see what splashes in your life from the change.
My pastor says that sex should wait until marriage, but since I have no prospect of that on the horizon, and my horizon is a looooong ways off, I think this might be a bad idea, not that saving my soul is a bad idea, I just can no more imagine waiting years for sex than I can imagine what the boundary of space-time looks like or what a woman is thinking when mindlessly paging through an US or People magazine. It is just not something my small simple brain can wrap itself around. Since, and I realize this to be true, the man is the inferior gender maybe a woman could help shed light on this. But then again, I cant explain how to hook a stereo up to my HD TV to the rats living in my attic, and maybe its the same thing. Just more than I am supposed to know. Might throw off the killer male instincts or ruin some million year old genetic and evolutionary alteration designed to keep the species alive. I dont know. But forty days and nights with no sex of any kind? Hmmm. I wonder if it can be done.
Some say the more sex the better. Free love is not really gone it's just not promoted by long hair hippees on TV anymore. Others say the more partners the better. Some keep count, and some chant 'Variety is the spice of life' as a mantra. Is there anything wrong with this, well not necessarily the world is a big place and what makes someones day is really not any of our business. If they want to have three or four others join them on a Tuesday afternoon while their cats watch and video it all, who is to say this is bad? Shooting someone is bad, we can all agree on this. Selling drugs to kids, is bad, but quietly enjoying a kink behind closed doors? No, not necessarily bad. These actions might have an unwanted affects later which could be bad, but they might not either. They might continue forever, or might end quietly and grow into another addiction a healthy one, like video games, gossip magazines or daytime TV.
Am I having too much, or not enough sex to be normal? Was I, am I careful enough and should I stop having sex with this person for this reason or keep them around for a booty call once in a while? If I have sex with him will it make the relationship stronger or weaker? If I have sex with her, will she want to stay around or will she leave, like I want when I am done? Will he respect me in the morning? If only we could hear what is in the other persons head, we would never get naked, not ever with anyone. How do we know when its okay, when is too soon and when is too long? When is okay to share a kink with someone you care about? You might lose them to it, they might think you are a freak, or might enjoy it too.
The first, second and third dates can be tough to negotiate. If we get to a third date then there is something each is pursuing and that can be a good thing. But will having sex make the relationship, assuming that is the goal, stronger or ruin any chance of a future? Everybody wants it, hell it's the drug of choice, but it has effects and conscience thought should be applied to get the desired results. One valium is good….two is well, allot and maybe too much, but three, four or five is just not a good idea ever for all sorts of reasons. Will sex early on keep a guy longer, get a guy to come closer or doom the relationships future to fall like a homesick rock?
Put a piece of chocolate thunder cake in front of a dieter who has not lost a pound in weeks and you will have the same result as offering sex to a guy on the first date. After it's over there is nothing left except a messy mouth and dirty dishes. The sex is at that point no more of an issue than watching a good football game to the guy. It's an activity that needs a partner and if someone knocks on the door and asks, hey can you come out and play, he will say a forceful 'Hell Yeah!'. Again, is there anything wrong with this? No, as long as it's inline with your goals. What a woman becomes at that point is a toy and maybe the guy is too. She becomes a toy that needs to be taken out, pampered, wooed, played with, and entertained. A toy that needs attention and maybe affection to keep it running just like a Buzz Lightyear doll needs everready batteries. Keep the batteries charged and the toy keeps jumping into bed. Nice trick. But what is going on in the woman's head?
Maybe nothing more than in his, maybe that is the goal. Lots of fun, living life large and loud. Vegas baby everyday! But maybe there is the hope that this is all real, that this is the guy for her. That this life although fun is not real, and somehow there must be a way to turn the corner to something more 'normal'. Something nice that she could talk about with her mother and maybe something that might have staying power. Too late.
Getting a toy is easy. Getting a partner who ignores the other toys while keeping you in the middle of their tunnel vision is hard. Not hard you understand like digging forty postholes, or figuring out how Jennifer Anniston can be serious about marrying Vince Vaugn (Is that his name?). But hard like visiting other countries, trying new things and figuring out why republicans still like Bush. It takes time, patience and effort. In fact it's harder. Love is really a force that is out of our control. But needs a clean open mind to embrace. How can you be swept off of your feet when your ankles are on someone's shoulders?
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