Relationships and Timing

Timing in relationships is everything
I wonder how many people are left who have never fallin in love with someone who was just not emotionally ready to fall back. I know there are a few of you, so far anyway, it will happen eventually to virtually everyone at some point I believe. I know I have been on both sides of that coin. Seen and felt the process from both sets of eyes and felt it with both types of hearts, the open and the closed. Thinking of this I wonder if while one is out there dating with this closed heart, at least as soon as they realize it, are they then what we would call the definition of a 'player'? Are they then, regardless of how nice they are at work, good they are to the environment or to their sponsored child in Ethiopia what our moms warned us about? Are they guilty of an emotional crime?
I remember the day that I realized I had no love to give, and by dating and 'playing' relationship, like some play 'house', with women, I was leading people on emotionally and physically towards nothing. I had nothing to give other than my present company, and when it became clear that some wanted to give more of themselves to me I had nothing to offer back. The stakes had quickly gotten too high and I was left with a choice. Lie about my intentions and continue on waiting for the next confrontation, or come clean and end it. Each time I went through this someone was made to feel bad, and although I felt bad for being the reason for it, I was getting off easy and I knew it. I remember thinking that this had to stop. These women are people I really liked and respected, how could I justify continuing to do this to people? I couldn't. My selfish desire to be out having fun, to be 'with' someone had made me lose site of the fact that real people were getting hurt. And if I just went out on another date next week the same thing might occur. How could I stop it, when I was at fault and did not know what to do about it? I had not been honest with myself about how much I had to give, so how could I possibly be honest with anyone else? I had tricked myself into believing that if the 'right' one would show up I would be ready, willing and able to commit, but when several really fantastic women came and went through my life, and it was always my fault for ending things I finally came to realize that it was me that was the problem, not them. I was the only common denominator. Luckily for me I have been able to build long term friendships with some of them. But without those friendships, it all would have been a complete loss for me. A complete waste of time, money and energy. Why bother one might ask. Hell I would ask. Why bother??
Where does responsibility come into play? Who are the ones at fault, or is anyone at fault, maybe this is just the way life goes and since nothing is perfect, we cant expect dating to be either. Maybe some fallout is just to be expected and there should be no more thought of it than that at all. I don't know. I think that we do have a responsibility to be honest and up front with people we want to spend time with. A simple statement like "You know I am not in this for a relationship, I just want to have fun" would be fine. Something to make sure everyone is on the same page. Give the other person a chance to opt out ahead of time if they are ready to commit and are in some danger of getting hurt. Maybe at that point the other person will whole heartedly agree that that is what they want too. They want nothing, and well sort of everything too. They want to have you, have fun, but not be emotionally tied to you. Then it's all cool. It's when we are not honest with the other person up front, or even worse if they are up front with you about wanting a relationship, and you still play along pretending that is what you want. Maybe its to be taken on a trip, or to a concert, or to be seen with that person because they are attractive successful or simply because you don't want to be alone that night, and god damn it you deserve a fun night out and a good lay. That becomes emotional cheating, and manipulation doesn't it. Cheating because the two of you are not on the same page. One of you, maybe you, or maybe your partner, are beginning to hold onto the relationship rope that is beginning to tie you two together trusting that the other end is securely fastened to something. In fact you have led them to believe it is tied to something with your words and your actions. But if you know damn good and well that the rope is not securely fastened, that you will in fact for sure let go of it, and soon, then what does that make you? What is the right word for you at this point? What was the right word for me when I did it? Can we establish a sort of punishment for Players? I see no problem with there being a relationship jail, where we can toss offenders? I can think of one right now I would like to toss in for 30 days or so. I would just want to make sure first that I am past the statute of limitations before I sign on.
The love doctor will say to us that it's all about timing. Sometimes you will be ready when another is not, and sometimes another will be ready when you are not. Its just kinda tough that way. But I think that there is a component that we need to agree on. Honesty up front is key. If you have Herpes and you don't tell your sexual partner you are deeply dishonest and are choosing for someone else, giving them no say in the decision of whether or not they want to take that chance. Having a toy, either a boy-toy or a girl-toy is only acceptable if both are on board for the same reason. You are not responsible for what another decides to do after you are honest with them. If they decide to stay and want to try to change your mind that is their decision, but if you did not tell them up front, and they invest time, money and worst of all emotion in you then you will be karma-cally challenged in your next life. How couldn't you be? For those of us who don't want to be slugs in our next life, let's protect those around us like we would like to be protected. But since we cant be sure everyone is going to be honest with us, in fact we can be sure many wont be, lets wear our rubbers. Both the real ones, and the emotional ones.