Ok, so you're hot, what else ya' got?

People have been walking on, picking up, saving, and playing with rocks ever since we gained an opposable thumb. Exactly when that was I don't know, but it was before I finished high school so I am pretty sure it has been a while. Rocks are everywhere and with the one notable exception of the fellow who decided in a bar one evening that he could sell rocks as pets, rocks are pretty much rocks everywhere you go and are not worth a whole lot on their own. Bring one back from a trip somewhere and it has sentimental value. Throw a little paint on another and its value may increase a tad, polish it up in a rock polisher and now its value may raise a bit more, not for the rock necessarily so much as for the work that went into making look prettier. Rough it up again and its back to being worthless. There are just so many, the Earth itself is a rock so everywhere we look pieces large and small lay about after having broken or worn off what was once a solid rock, our planet.

At some point in time some lucky bastard found a prettier than average rock, and what made it more important than how it looked, far more important, was that no one else could find the same exact type of rock. And this person realized that because he/she had found something that no one else was going to be able to get, no matter how long they looked these rocks would have value. Which rock this was I don't know. Jade possibly, pearls (although not a rock), gold (another 'not rock' that fits) crystals of a particular color, whatever it was it was valuable for one reason, and one reason only. It was rare. Try as people might, shortly after the discovery, they could either not find another source other than the one the first person found. So realizing the new value, the rarity they began searching further away, digging in more places, investing their time and money into locating another source for the same rocks. Even finding another source, the value was maintained, even increased, because now the rarity had been proven. This rock is rare. And therefore desired. The bigger it was, the more it was worth, because those with money wanted something that someone else could not have.

The rock really could have looked like anything. It could be, and is black in some cases Alexandrite for example, it could be red, blue, green, or clear. The color was not important. Even less attractive colors were valuable; amber colored, water colored, grassy colored. The appearance had nothing to do with it, the true measure of its worth was only that You could get it, have it and lots of other people couldn't.

I found myself out one evening, not by chance with someone who had won a very large beauty pageant earlier in her career. She had taken that and moved herself into television and at the time, possibly still today I don't know, she had a syndicated show that was quite popular.

When I first met her I had no idea of her past, no idea that she had accomplished anything more than anyone else, and I don't know honestly and objectively that she really had. She had definitely accomplished something but was it better, harder, more demanding that what millions of women do daily? No, I don't think so, but there are so many managers, so many accountants, so many attorneys that in comparison what she had done, by the shear limiting aspect of only one of these established a year, made her more rare. There were simply less people on the planet who could claim to have attained what she had. That's it. Was the inventor of the Pet Rock a certifiable genius, well yes, bad example but still because there was only one inventor of the Pet Rock he became a celebrity. People wanted to be with, be seen with, converse with the inventor of the Pet Rock. To be closer to, to somehow claim some ownership of the fame. Who else can we easily place into this category of rarity? The categories go on and on, but in each category there is a progressively less and less rare group of people starting from the top and working itself down. Bill Gates will attract a lot of attention were he to walk into your house for a BBQ, invited or not. However Bill Jones may not. Quick hand shake, short introductions and a finger pointing to the beer in the cooler on the deck might be about it. Brad Pit, Tiger Woods, former primer minister of England, even without his title Tony Blair would attract more than average attention. The ugly are attractive too though aren't they, just like some semi-precious gems. Charles Manson, Ted Bundy(of course dead now), and the Green River Killer, even these sociopaths, because of their uniqueness, their fame, their celebrity status are interesting to us. If you had a brush with one of these people, tell me honestly, would not you tell someone? Feel some pride in it, however disgusted you were? If given the chance to meet one of these, perhaps with the safety of tempered one inch steel bars between you and they, would you take it? If you knew one of these people would be 'on display' downtown on a Saturday afternoon, would you go to see? To hear the odd words coming out of one of their mouths, to see their face up close, to be in the presence of great oddness? Well maybe not you. Hmmm. But then again, maybe.

The woman I went out with for that summer was popular wherever we went. Her fame had died off quite a bit by the time I met her, but the residuals were still there. Clubs were opened up, invitations to special places and parties still came. And at an alarming rate I might add, phone calls, text messages at all hours, and word of mouth. "So in so, said that if I saw you to tell you to go to Such-in-such after 11pm" People wanted, for some reason, to just have her nearby. I am not in anyway saying that she was not an enjoyable person to be with, she was. Very much. But there are lots, and lots, and dare I say lots of pretty women who are enjoyable to be with. Smart, funny, with a lot to offer. Why her? For that matter why Paris Hilton? No need for me to knock her, it's too easy because I think anyone, and I mean anyone who thinks it through will realize that her physical attractiveness, would not have been enough on her own to have brought so much fame. Had she not been born into a unique household, won the cosmic lottery, she would probably be somebody's girlfriend singing karaoke over at the Azteca on Thursday night wearing a cute outfit she bought at Marshals.

This leads to the question that we have to ask ourselves, not while reading this, but tonight in bed alone without the TV on. What are we after? Is there someone who you deem as special because of their uniqueness, their fame, their beauty and therefore you long for them? Of course, most of us do. I would have a very hard time turning down a date from Jennifer Anniston, or odd though I know it would be Angelina Jolie. Some take these thoughts a bit further, and become stalkers, trying to capture a bit of the fame, mining deeper than they should searching for what is rare. Somehow believing that their "stock" value will be higher simply for being known by the celebrity, for being a part, however odd, in their lives. This is a lazy miner searching for gems in someone's house, rather than investing the time, and energy into mining a cold, lonely mountainside to get what they want.

Assuming for a moment that you or I were to get our chance to meet, or spend time with 'that' someone. Me with Angelina for example. For there to be a snowballs chance of success, I would have to have something to bring to her table. Something that she desires, not physically necessarily, but possibly emotionally or something else, who knows. Maybe she herself would have her head turned by a rare stone maybe like Roger Federer the now five-time tennis champion. It worked for Brooke Shields, she fell for a tennis champion. Was Andre Agassi that much better a man than the fellow sitting next to him at the pub last weekend? No of course not. As far as I know he has not yet figured out how to poop without taking his pants off, and until he or someone does they are no better than me or anyone else. Hopefully I will figure this out first. >crossing fingers< But her head rather was turned by his fame, which displayed some character traits that she finds attractive. It was not that he was a tennis player who won a lot of matches, it was that by winning so many matches he showed how hard he was willing and able to work. He proved dedication beyond that which most of us have. He proved that he was rare. Not everyone could do what he did, and if they could they would. Lots of people play tennis and lots play well, but he was willing before success, to sacrifice life as we know it, to practice. Endless practice. This was an attractive trait to her. She was attractive to him as well, not just because of her beauty, there are other beautiful women out there, and many that he has met. No, she too has displayed traits, and proven that she has something, whatever it is, that he finds attractive. She was rare too.

Next time you hear someone say something to the effect of; "Well if I had that much money I would have a trainer and could look like that too." Or "If I had that much money I could hire the best (fill in the blank; coach, dietician, nanny etc.) and could practice that much too". Slap them. Hard. Stop kidding yourself. That is the same as saying "If I just had a hot fire I would work and put some wood into it" Arnold Schwartzenhager was not born huge and full of muscles. He was not rich when he started dedicating his life at the expense of everything else to it. He chopped and added wood to his fire long before he lit it, unlike the rest of us, who would prefer warmth now, and forever rather than frigid cold now, with the possibility of raging heat later.

The real question is what will you bring to the table to 'that' person? Not that You is not necessarily enough, it very well might be, but if you are going to be the taker and the other will be the giver in all aspects how can that be a fair trade? How can you last in that relationship? The rare person is still a person. This person has been hurt, been loved, and has loved. This person has had a childhood that may or may not have left scars, insecurities, and a past that may have them searching for something. Are you working on yourself enough so that when your chance comes, you will have something to offer back? Will you be able to lift that person as much as they lift you? If they are 'rare' and you are 'common', what else will you be able to offer? Don't get too nervous, your simple uniqueness itself may be just what the doctor ordered. But people are people, regardless of their accomplishments and they are looking for the same things you are. Peace, comfort, love all the things you are hoping for. They, in your mind, fill something you would like, maybe it's your vanity, that you would then be able to say "I am dating (married) to…" again fill in the blank. (Doctor, president, movie star, whatever.) Each of us wants to be proud of who we attach ourselves to. But to fall for fame, fall for talent. In itself, even though I myself am guilty of it, could there be anything more hollow?

Rather than I think, looking for someone great who will bring your 'stock' value up, makes you feel more important, start looking for someone who both gives you comfort but gets it as well. If you are hot, and are being showered with gifts, dinners and trips, and I know people on both sides of this worthless adventure, shake yourself hard. Unless this is exactly what you are looking for. The nothingness of the chase. Get out and stop trying to feed your ego with it. It's a hole that you, I promise, wont be able to fill. The faster the money, gifts, and temporary fame go in, the faster they fall out the back. Its not what you have done, therefore will always leave you feeling less worthy. The man is just as guilty here, and in just as much trouble.
So I think the new motto should be. "Okay so you're HOT. What else ya' GOT?"