So when you fall in love, what changes? Hmmm, well lots of things, one for example you might find yourself getting more sex. Thats a good thing. You might find delight in the simple things again. Standing out on the beach staring at the ocean waves crashing in, or a funny TV show. Often without another these things feel lonely but when you are in love those moments are impossible to let go of. They just feel so good you can almost feel the ticking of the clock as time slips away. So many little insignificant moments become momentous. My god, I almost forgot the best one of all, laying in bed until late in the morning all tangled up with nothing but a damp sheet. Time I think is the one that changes the most though. When you are apart the time goes so much slower. So painfully slow it hurts. Each turning out of the light at night is lonely, and quiet. Aching. But when you get together, with a true love what happens? Time flys by so fast you can hardly find the time to eat, and poop in the same day. The hours whirl by, then darkness and evening shows up, and if its the last evening to see each other, the individual minutes take on a significance of their own that is hard to quantify. Sleep becomes a non issue, money is meaningless, its just time. Time...Want more time.
Alot changes when we fall in love. We start doing things that we forgot all about enjoying again. We find new things that we never would have done before. We pick up on the strengths of the other and make new decisions to conquer goals that have been on our lists. We might take Salsa dancing, or take an interest in Scuba, or Ballet. We hold hands. We coo and obsess 'till our friends cant stand it. What else happens? Something significant. How about heartache? Missing someone you have bonded with is suddenly a visceral feeling, something so very real and tangible that actually hurts. I think if you dont miss someone when they are gone you probably are not really in love. Heartache is definately a symptom of love. Try falling asleep without a double gin and tonic when your heart hurts, and is pounding in your chest. Try to sleep the night fully and wake up when you feel the ache of a love. Try to watch a sad movie and not cry. Hmmm, try to watch a sad comercial and not cry...I have failed that test. Ahem.
Seems the Chinese had it right when they show us the Ying and Yang signs. Seems that with all of the awesome feelings that go along with love, being in love and being loved, there is a flip side that hurts equally as much. I guess when we are not in a spectacular relationship, things go along pretty smoothly, assuming you are happy with yourself, emotions really dont run that high or low. Sure good times are always to be had, dating, going out to see and be seen. Comedy shows, adventures with friends, lots of great stuff with good times, but generally I think our emotions are pretty stable. Not so when we are in love is it? Seems that our stomachs kind of take over everything. Insecurities pop out of nowhere and being foreign to us, are hard to figure out. Why am I feeling like this, how can I stop it, how do I get back to my comfortable self? Worry can be overwhelming if your love is in trouble. Their problems become your problems and whether or not you can fix them you will feel their pain and will worry for them. Kinda seems like a raw deal really, I know its not, but who the hell would want to sign up for that? If we could write down our lives on paper, looking at all the problems and worries we have in our lives and then look at someone elses knowing that their problems, their failures, their pain, will be added to yours, who would join that club?
Seems that the good stuff, not just the sex, more than makes up for the bad stuff. The comfort, the passion, the peace of mind when we know we have someone who has our backs is more than enough to put up with their shit, idiosyncrasies and to take on their problems as our own. We love it. We all desire it, and even more so once we have felt it. But what can keep us from it once we have felt it? Heartbreak.
There are terrible pains in life that dont need to be written down here, we all know them. Pain, disease, loss are all part of life for us either now or later. Problems are absolutely going to happen to us, and that is ok. Your new car will for sure get a scratch. So just plan on it and when it happens, well its still a bad deal but it was expected. Same with life. We know that death and loss is inevitable. We cant predict it or control it in any way. So most of us ignore it until it hits. But Heartache is a pain that can be avoided. Once you have felt it, the pain that lasts for months and months you may be tempted to avoid any chance of it happening again. Fear may keep you from 'falling' in love again. I dont think that is hard to understand. I have felt it, hope to never feel it again and I have had and may have up again walls for protection. They are hard to let down. Fear creeps in. What if it happens again? Here is another insecurity that is hard to deal with. Being generally a confindent bunch, some of us exceptionally so, why would insecurity suddenly be so prominent in our lives. Well imagine your best friend just convinced you to try the Para glider behind a speedboat. Against your better judgement, you did put on ten pounds this year, you strap yourself in while your friends all hop in the boat. "Hit it!" you yell and off the boat screams. Not up you go, but down. Face first dragging along the water and filling up like a water balloon. The next day your friend says lets go do that again. Hmmm, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Avoiding love is understandable. Understandable but sad. Loving like we have never lost is part of enjoying every minute of life. Life is ticking away and you dont know for sure if you will make it through the day. If you get the oportunity to fall in love, really trust someone, let them in, share what is wrong with you, what you are afraid of, what makes you an individual and bask in the acceptance.
Alot changes when we fall in love. We start doing things that we forgot all about enjoying again. We find new things that we never would have done before. We pick up on the strengths of the other and make new decisions to conquer goals that have been on our lists. We might take Salsa dancing, or take an interest in Scuba, or Ballet. We hold hands. We coo and obsess 'till our friends cant stand it. What else happens? Something significant. How about heartache? Missing someone you have bonded with is suddenly a visceral feeling, something so very real and tangible that actually hurts. I think if you dont miss someone when they are gone you probably are not really in love. Heartache is definately a symptom of love. Try falling asleep without a double gin and tonic when your heart hurts, and is pounding in your chest. Try to sleep the night fully and wake up when you feel the ache of a love. Try to watch a sad movie and not cry. Hmmm, try to watch a sad comercial and not cry...I have failed that test. Ahem.
Seems the Chinese had it right when they show us the Ying and Yang signs. Seems that with all of the awesome feelings that go along with love, being in love and being loved, there is a flip side that hurts equally as much. I guess when we are not in a spectacular relationship, things go along pretty smoothly, assuming you are happy with yourself, emotions really dont run that high or low. Sure good times are always to be had, dating, going out to see and be seen. Comedy shows, adventures with friends, lots of great stuff with good times, but generally I think our emotions are pretty stable. Not so when we are in love is it? Seems that our stomachs kind of take over everything. Insecurities pop out of nowhere and being foreign to us, are hard to figure out. Why am I feeling like this, how can I stop it, how do I get back to my comfortable self? Worry can be overwhelming if your love is in trouble. Their problems become your problems and whether or not you can fix them you will feel their pain and will worry for them. Kinda seems like a raw deal really, I know its not, but who the hell would want to sign up for that? If we could write down our lives on paper, looking at all the problems and worries we have in our lives and then look at someone elses knowing that their problems, their failures, their pain, will be added to yours, who would join that club?
Seems that the good stuff, not just the sex, more than makes up for the bad stuff. The comfort, the passion, the peace of mind when we know we have someone who has our backs is more than enough to put up with their shit, idiosyncrasies and to take on their problems as our own. We love it. We all desire it, and even more so once we have felt it. But what can keep us from it once we have felt it? Heartbreak.
There are terrible pains in life that dont need to be written down here, we all know them. Pain, disease, loss are all part of life for us either now or later. Problems are absolutely going to happen to us, and that is ok. Your new car will for sure get a scratch. So just plan on it and when it happens, well its still a bad deal but it was expected. Same with life. We know that death and loss is inevitable. We cant predict it or control it in any way. So most of us ignore it until it hits. But Heartache is a pain that can be avoided. Once you have felt it, the pain that lasts for months and months you may be tempted to avoid any chance of it happening again. Fear may keep you from 'falling' in love again. I dont think that is hard to understand. I have felt it, hope to never feel it again and I have had and may have up again walls for protection. They are hard to let down. Fear creeps in. What if it happens again? Here is another insecurity that is hard to deal with. Being generally a confindent bunch, some of us exceptionally so, why would insecurity suddenly be so prominent in our lives. Well imagine your best friend just convinced you to try the Para glider behind a speedboat. Against your better judgement, you did put on ten pounds this year, you strap yourself in while your friends all hop in the boat. "Hit it!" you yell and off the boat screams. Not up you go, but down. Face first dragging along the water and filling up like a water balloon. The next day your friend says lets go do that again. Hmmm, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Avoiding love is understandable. Understandable but sad. Loving like we have never lost is part of enjoying every minute of life. Life is ticking away and you dont know for sure if you will make it through the day. If you get the oportunity to fall in love, really trust someone, let them in, share what is wrong with you, what you are afraid of, what makes you an individual and bask in the acceptance.
1 comment:
Thank you; I feel better about my stuff now. arch-ing.blogspot.com
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