I just read a quote a couple of days ago that has had me thinking. It said "If you are not happy here, then you won’t be happy there, because once you get there, there becomes here" In other words The grass is always greener. Duh. But have you given this some real thought? Maybe while sitting quietly staring at the sea, or without a book, newspaper or i-pod stirring your coffee thinking about what you have vs. what you want. Thinking about where you are going, or how you are progressing in attaining your goals, and dreams, or wondering why you don’t have any goals at all. Another old saying says that "It’s not having what you want that will help you to find happiness, its wanting what you have." Or so eloquently stated by Sheryl Crow "I don’t have diddly squat. Its not having what you want, its wanting what you Got" What is it that you are supposed to be doing? Do you feel trapped within the confines of your work, kids and the business of life? Cooking cleaning, shopping, driving kids around to various practices carrying only a novel to help you pass the time away. What dream would you be pursuing if either you had nothing of your current life, and is that a scary thought or what, or if you listened to your heart and went after your biggest dreams in spite of the distractions of life?
I think we all learn at some point in our lives, some earlier than others, that these things are true. That stuff won’t make us happy, but for most of us this thought lies in the logical portion of our brain, not the emotional one. There are two sides to just about every thought we have aren’t there? You can have just broken up with someone, and be sure you were right, absolutely sure that you were right to have cut the ties, but still sob your eyes out for the loss. Logically does that make sense? Not really, but the emotional side cries out for what was lost, not what will be gained. The freedom to be you again, to grow unencumbered and to have a chance at finding a truer love. It cries out that we have lost something, even though it was never ours to begin with as if we are somehow better or worse for them being in our life or now, out of it. A lover is never ours, only we are ours. But with two voices so strong, the logical and the emotional, in our souls, how do we find peace within the midst of the battle of wills? The heart is very greedy but also gives us direction to follow paths that are healthy and beneficial. The logical only tells us how to take care of what is in front of us. A natural balance needs to be forced on the two, and only we can do it ourselves, by force of will and practice.
How does all of this mesh then with the natural human desires to have more, to be on the lookout for the richer, greener grass? If I have a Honda, but want a Mercedes and the law of the universe says that I won’t be happier with the Mercedes should I still buy it? If I am in my hometown and am unhappy believing its stemming from where I live, then should I move to another town? And are those who lead simple lives in simple towns without the "Jones’s" to chase, living their lives with a higher degree of contentment than those who live in say Hollywood, New York, Miami or even Bellevue? If everyone had two hundred thousand dollar houses, and ten thousand dollar cars, would we be chasing million dollar houses, and eighty thousand dollar cars? Would we want them so badly if we never saw them or knew people who were buying them? This all leads to the question, When we know that the law of the universe states clearly that having what the Jones’s have will make us no more happy than we are today, but our hearts are begging us to reach for more, how do we cope? Which side, the logical or the emotional do we listen to? Is our heart, usually associated with the emotional side occasionally leading us down a self serving path that always leads back to where we were at the beginning? In other words leading us in endless circles. What if we found ourselves in the dry, hot expanses of a desert and we listened only to our hearts, or if you see where I am going, make it a proverbial desert. If we only listened to our heart would we ever find our way out? We would follow mirages with excitement and joy, and find pain and eventual death. However if we only listened to our logical side would we even know what we were supposed to be following or heading towards in the first place? The logical side knows nothing of dreams and goals, or desires. The logical side would set up camp, find water, find food and never leave for fear of losing what it had, and being able to find at least the same ’riches’ later on. Fear of loss is a very big motivator. It seems we need to really work on listening to both, and controlling both because neither can manage our way through the desert without the other. But how do we do that?
There are rules to life and as a wise man once said ’Life always contains lessons. Once one lesson is learned another will be presented. There will be no portion of life without a lesson in it, and the only way to avoid this program is to spend eternity under a tombstone". What lesson are you being taught right now, and are you figuring it out, or ignoring it? Mastering it will without doubt bring you to a higher level of ’success’ (meant in terms of peace and happiness with ones self not necessarily financially although could be that as well) and ignoring it will keep you exactly where you are forever. Without that lesson being learned how can you move on to the next? According to the rules of the universe ( I say that so mystically I realize, but how else), life presents challenges, and bumps. Some harder than others, and to some people who are more capable than others, but always given in the measure to which they can be overcome. We need to spend quiet time, away from the onslaught of stimulation of the world, to first figure out what lesson we are to be working on. And to more importantly keep our eyes open to the door that will open when we are ready to move up, and on to another lesson.
When we have a boyfriend we want to change them to make us happier, or we may want a different one entirely, or we may want to be alone. When we are alone, we look for boyfriends, or girlfriends depending on who you are and your, I suppose, preference. But will either, or any of this make us happier? Can we expect, logically, ignoring our heart for a moment, that we will change, for the better, in any viable way once we move from one place to another, or from one person to another? One day my Prince will come? So what happens when he does? The law is clear, what he brings is temporary, what we do for ourselves is forever. Are you really ready for a Prince? I agree long lasting love is fantastic, but even in the midst of a devoted, committed relationship, personal growth is the only answer to our own happiness. Even then we will be tested with lessons, and even then we should be looking, outside the relationship, to discover and reach for our dreams. We wont lose them for trying, if they love us they will allow us the freedom to search, but if they are not, then who wins? Are they searching for themselves and need your time to help them, that might be noble, or are they wasting their time muddling through trying to keep their heads above water, and don’t want you to change? Let me define ’muddling through’ for a minute. There are broke people, many, many broke people at every income level. In every, and I mean every profession. Muddling through means that they have given up on what is outside their vision, what is not listed as being between the hours of 8-5 with the exception of the two well planned vacations a year. A vacation is not a dream, it may be for you, but it’s not a life’s mission. Is yours to be an artist, to be a designer, a promoter, a singer? What could be listed here is endless, and the options enough to weigh down the Budweiser Clydesdale team in their tracks. It is something only you know about, think about, and wonder ’what if’.
I like to visit South Beach Florida because I know it well, like the weather and enjoy mingling with the folks who live there. The early warmth of the sun rising over the Atlantic, the sand, the tropical birds squaking, chirping and fluttering about. The Ferraris, the Lamborghinis, the Mercedes Mclarens being driven by thirty and forty year olds. The gorgeous people jogging the beach, walking their dogs, or rollerblading with their baby strollers. It all feels great to be a part of and I find myself looking at condos dreaming of joining this lifestyle every time I go, including this one. "Hmmm" I wonder, "What would it be like to live here?" I feel so good when I am there I feel that it would be a sure thing that I would ’feel’ this way forever if I just moved here. My heart is opening a dream, or if I look more closely I might be misinterpreting it. Luckily for me, I have been introspective enough to rise above what I see, hear and smell, to rather look inside and know that I am happy wherever I am and there can be no change that would change who I am inside. I know that the fears I have today, the desires, the insecurities, would all be there with me in South Beach, maybe under different names, as they are where I am now. Nothing can change me but me. Nothing can make me happier than I can. No person, no place, and most certainly no thing can increase my peace or happiness unless I am constantly growing personally, tackling the lessons life is presenting and continuing to move forward with dreams, even if they are new dreams. However I may be being drawn to South Beach for a different reason. This something I need to look at. Look at the people I meet, and those I have ’bumped’ into again and again to see if I am being presented signs that need to be looked at more closely. I am looking.
All of that is not to say that I don’t want a condo in South Beach, or a Mercedes Mclaren, I do. But it will be with the understanding in myself nothing will change. The car will get older, will get scratched and will never, not once, help me sleep well at night. I have a little experience with this in that I, a couple of years ago, did buy a Mercedes and was fortunate enough to be able to fulfill a private dream of mine which was to pay for it with just one payment. Cash. Write a check on the spot. That process took me years to accomplish by the way. I remember the day leading up to the purchase, and especially the afternoon after I had left the dealership with my offer, which was refused, and had to wait for them to come to their senses, call me back and ask me to buy it. It was electric, dynamic, exciting and exactly the same as every other day, both at the same time. Does that make sense? I still felt like I could lose a few pounds, still felt like I probably was not doing as well with my business as I could, and still was single. I knew however that this purchase was going to be a private thing. For me and me only. I knew that I would enjoy it, just like I enjoy South Beach, but knew that it was not going to change me, or my life at all. Women were not going to suddenly fall in love with me, my clients were not going to respect me any more than they already did, and sleeping without a gin in the evening was still going to be less enjoyable than with. I knew that logically even while my heart was screaming in anticipation for me to not just get it, but to add the upgrades, and maybe the model too. The noise from my heart was nearly overwhelming but with my practice I was able to put in the background, while I stayed in control. I listened to it, because it does open new horizons
Some things did change, and that was that there were more people, women in particular who wanted to be with me, but not Be with me. I found more women who were playing a game, and in their minds it might have been phrased something like "I just am having fun with him,", but when it happens to someone who is grounded who is not playing back, it’s a losing proposition for them, nothing to be gained. I got more attention but no more love or peace. A bit of a rise to the old ’studly graph’ which is not a bad thing, but even that I knew would slowly diminish over time as I became accustom to it, and as it aged. There were always going to be other cars I would like to be driving, more desire for my heart but no more of an ability to be happy home alone at nine pm on a Friday night. I knew that going in didn’t I, so I was not disappointed, and never lost focus on my personal growth. I just did my thinking in a Mercedes.
I just finished reading a book that I highly recommend, named The Alchemist. A book that through the simple story of a boy traveling across Egypt, gives us lessons in life, finding inner peace and discovering what goals we should be working towards in our lives. It’s a very short book so I won’t bother to sum it up here, only to say that it will stay on my shelf for future reference and still is giving me a lot of ponder on. Are the goals I have set for the projects I find exciting and interesting, outside of my career, being followed as passionately as they should? I don’t think so. Am I interpreting the signs along the way correctly? Maybe. Are those signs telling me to continue or follow another path? Am I fighting against my dreams because of the fear of change, or fear of failure? Is, as is said in the book Having a dream, dreaming about a dream but never attaining it better than reaching for it and falling short?
I am making myself much more aware of the signs along the way, and am spending more time trying to interpret them. Are ’signs’ the universes way of guiding us, or are they simply examples of our being more focused on a particular goal thereby making us hyper aware of what is around us that may help move us forward? I don’t know the answer to that, I tend not to put a whole lot of faith in something mystical like the universes power, but at the same time I don’t think it really matters. I do believe in God and maybe this is direct intervention, or maybe it’s the way God created this dynamic universe to run. I don’t know. No one knows, that is where faith comes in. Direction is being presented to all of us all the time, however it comes, and the universe is not going to be insulted if its not given the credit, only that we are completely ignoring it. Would your goals be moved forward faster if you were to meet someone who is already successful in that field? Maybe by taking a class that you just saw offered, Maybe, a person is next to you in line for coffee, or sitting near you on the plane, who with a word may offer inspiration to drive you forward, how would know if you hid in your unsatisfying but comfortable circle, listening to your new 500 GB neon green Ipod with video? Would you notice a sign if it was put at your feet tomorrow morning, do you even know what you would hope the sign would be pointing you towards?
The book I just finished and also the very popular one called The Secret speak of these things repeatedly. Seems they all use different techniques for getting their message across, but there are many similarities. Keeping a goal at the forefront of your mind all the time is critical to achieving it. But what if you are afraid of taking your dream to the next level because you are afraid of failure? Of being told by someone respected in the field you strive for, that you are not good enough. Maybe the physical daily action and the ownership of the dream, even unfulfilled is ’enough’ for you. If you took it to the next level and failed, you may feel that you would end up with less, by losing the dream, which you enjoy, than if you just worked your hobby alone.
In the news there was a Governor from New York who was implicated in a prostitution ring. Fine, that is his personal failing and his families curse to bear now. Not my point. In fact he has nothing to do with my point at all. But rather the prostitute is my focus here. As I read the story in the paper about her, I learned that this particular "business" had call-girls who ranged in pricing from (gasp!) One thousand dollars an hour all the way to (Gasp again!) five thousand dollars an hour. This particular girl, was charging 5k an hour. Five thousand dollars to show up on the hour and leave sixty minutes later. Now let me ask you this. Just toss the idea around in your head, not for real, but if you were going to advertise yourself, right now today how much would you ask for, or better yet, how much would you think your work is worth, hobby is worth or art is worth? The answer lies in how much you think someone would pay if you demanded it. Sure I laugh and would in her face if she asked me for that much money (of course I would never anyway) but because she does ask for it, she was able to find someone, lots of someones who would pay it. In other words you are worth exactly what you say you are worth. You are what you tell the world you are. It doesn’t know the difference, it will accept what you tell it. This girl told the world, emphatically and with confidence that she is worth five thousand dollars for one single hour of her time naked, and what did the world give her? Amazingly the universe listened to her, like it would you or I, and gave it to her. To me that sounds ludicrous, and not just because I would never hire an escort, but to me no one is worth that much for anything. If I were to advertise myself for sex Uhmm….well it’s a lost thought. What would the going rate for a piece of me go for, I cant really imagine. But just money is not my dream. I am not asking for monetary wealth. I want success in what I aspire towards and my dreams are mine. But what am I willing to ask the universe for? How much will it give me if I say what I am, what I deserve? But if I ask for nothing, what will I get? Probably just the going rate. Starbucks wages, but on a universal scale.
Ask yourself this, like I am, believe me this article is more for me than it is for you. Do you have anything you have asked for at all yet? If you have a dream, are you asking for success with it, are there signs telling you to follow it, or not to? Are you seeing strange coincidences as maybe more than just coincidences, even if they are not, are they opportunities to advance, or learn more about what you want? How big do you want to be, how at peace with yourself do you want to get, and will your happiness in life increase along with the chase. That is the rub here, the most important point. Its not that achieving anything will make you happier, it wont, once again living in South Beach is not a happy pill for me that will last, but pursuing your dreams, and finding new ones will bring you more happiness than ignoring them. You can always simply going to work and spend the hours of 8-5 helping someone else achieve their dreams. But you will run out of time to follow your own.
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