How to get OVER someone.

I once had a friend tell me…hmmm or maybe I saw it on Friends. I don't know, doesn't matter, that after a relationship ended you should, if it was a particularly painful breakup, put all of the relationship pictures, and all of the items that bring back memories in a fire pit and burn it while dancing and chanting around it. By cleansing the air, the room or your memories you can more quickly get over the breakup-pain. By using the Wiccan Nature goddess dance you may be able to have the healing power of Mother Nature help you deal with your grief. Hmm, I dont know. But then, sometime later, I found myself reading a men's magazine, not sure which one but it can be found at any grocery store, and in an article on 'How to get over someone' was a statement that it was easier on you if you kept the old photos. The article said that by burning them you actually burn the memories more deeply into your mind. The act is enough to make you remember even more strongly. And then later when the healing process has begun and you may have a fond memory you will have nothing to reflect back onto. Something about having the pictures available to look at if you ever wanted to, eases the subconscious into forgetfulness faster. Hmmm. One group says go left the other says go right...What the hell are we supposed to do? At the moment you fall out of a boat into the ocean is not the best time to learn how to swim and when you find yourself in a failed relationship, and its over, is not the time to be thinking through the best course for your mental health. I want a plan for next time. I think we should all have a plan.

Often times after a breakup many of your friends will say something to you trying to be helpful like "You should get out and party!" or "Let's go get you laid", or "I didn't like him anyway". And others will try to help by saying "Well it's his loss". But what really can be said? Is there any combination of words in any language that would be useful when your heart has been broken? There really isn't is there? Your well meaning friends see your pain and want to help, of course they do they care about you, want to offer you a solution to feel better, but what they want to do doesn't exist. They want you to feel better sooner rather than later just like you do, but can they? Can they actually do or say anything to ease your stomach pains, your heartache? I suppose by keeping you busy they can for a while, but at some point you will be home alone, in the dark with nothing between you and your thoughts. Nothing to keep you distracted and for those times you should have a plan. Three day water supply, batteries and a flashlite for emergencies, and a plan for heartbreak. Hopefully neither will ever be needed, but like a Scout, I am prepared.

Now what happens when you find yourself in the odd situation where the person you really care about and have been in a relationship, begins not returning your calls? Maybe things have been shaky for a while. Doubts have crept in to your head but you don't want it to end, you want it to work out, you like this person. But you are getting the feeling this may be one sided, you just don't want to overreact. Maybe the return calls start taking a bit longer than they should. maybe the tone in the voice is not quite what you hope for, or text messages begin taking the place of phone calls. Till finally you wait, and wait and still hear nothing. What do you do then? You confront the person, right? Say something like "Hey what's going on here?" Of course you would. Anyone in their right mind would be nervous, and would want to get some answers. Wanting answers is normal, even if it's bad news you are expecting. But why? Why is getting an answer, getting closure so important to us? Why is hearing it from the persons mouth so important to us?

If that same person had just not called you back at all, how would you have felt? There would be no doubt it was 'over'. You would 'know' what was going on, but since you had not heard them say 'it', it would not be over for you. Why is it so important to hear your partner end it personally? Even hearing the news from a friend is not enough, is it? What is it that drives us, to seek out a situation where we know we will probably be humiliated and hurt just to hear that person finally say the words "Its over."? Why do we search that out?

One of my very good friends could not bare to 'end it' with his partner after a long relationship and so he left a note. Some of you would scream to hear this, but let's think about it for a minute. What is wrong with a note? If the note were clear, concise, explanatory, even loving, but also final, why would that not be sufficient? All the logical information would be there. All the answers to the key questions were in there. Any personal communication would just be re-hashing what was explained in the note. Why is that not enough? Well as you can probably imagine his partner indeed did not find it enough and spent much of the next week trying to meet him, to hear 'it' straight from his mouth. Which he finally submitted to and the result was pretty rough. The night was agony for both of them. But helped close an emotional door also. So it was useful. But why?

Closure is not something I think we can really fully explain. It is not really an emotion, not really a feeling, it's just something abstract that helps us move on in some odd psychological way. Without it we are left with a hole in our belly that has a hard time closing. Without it, we are left exposed and vulnerable. Without it we entertain thoughts that 'it' might be salvaged somehow, there might be an explaination that we missed, and we would hate to fly off the handle if there were an explanation. We find ourselves in a position of being in a relationship psychologically, but being single in reality. Holding out hope.

So what is the best way to get over a person? Any tips from the gathered experience? What is the best way you have found to get closure after a nasty break up. Assuming you were the one broken up with of course. I don't think it's quite the same thing if you were the break-ee. How can a person who's heart has just been broken start feeling better fast? Is there anything out there like Zinc for a cold? Something that shaves a few days of agony off of the healing process?