Forest Gumps Life parable. Huh?

I once heard someone trying to describe some of the differences between eastern and western culture and being too numerous to mention, or remember, I held onto one point that has made a difference for me in my life. Somehow I held onto, in my undersized and over filled pea-sized brain, the one point that was probably the most important of the entire interview. Life has not become smoother, or less challenging, I don't become glum less, or live life to its most extreme because of it, but I do have a sense of peace and self that is not shared by many. Because I heard this and keep it at the forefront of my mind daily, I feel that I am rarely surprised with disasters anymore. Never blindsided by the unexpected. All I do is keep thinking this thought.
I am guessing that if we asked a hundred people on the street what the biggest difference, they believe, would be between the Far East culture and the West, when speaking of the people themselves, many would guess work-ethic. I think that would have been my guess before listening to this interview. Or maybe just being smarter. Seemed the only people I ever wanted to cheat off of in school were the Asians and that was just because they did better than I did in just about every subject with the firm exception of P.E. and shower. Not a bad stereo-type I think. Better than the one the Asian women get when behind the wheel of a car anyway. Well both are well deserved so I suppose in the cosmic sense they even out a bit. Either they are smarter, or harder working, either way they are achieving better results, at least that was the belief held by many around me including me, and it seemed to play out a lot so we all accepted it. Asians just worked harder and were smarter than the rest of us. And had smaller penis's.
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Take a look at a Japanese factory vs. one based in Detroit and you might get another impression of efficiency and cleanliness. Their plants are just tidier, the workers a bit more polished looking, and of course the companies themselves, regardless your belief of which car is best, are kicking the world's ass in business. Maybe something along one of these lines would have been what you would have guessed. But that is still not what I heard that made such a difference for me.

Maybe it is their supposed frugality, where we see parents working incredibly long hour's 6-days a week and actually saving their money. How did they get their own restaurant on the corner with the fancy sign anyway? They barely speak English. What is your excuse? Must be the government right giving money to the wrong people. Hmmm. Okay. Go with that if it works for you. But I am guessing your TV is on a lot more than theirs, and is probably bigger and fancier too. Regardless, this not my point. And frugality is not what I heard.

It's not even all of these put together that made so much sense to me as to change my view of myself, my possessions, and my future. Add them up and what would you have? Someone who is on average smarter, harder working, a bad driver or has a small penis (not both)cleaner and more frugal than the rest of us. Hell I would date that! Sounds like a winner to me. Well who knows, gotta start somewhere and that sounds like a good place, but what I heard that changed my life was this. First before I go there, let me ask you what happens now when your new car gets a door ding at the local grocery store? No, lets make this harder. What if a family member, maybe a child is the culprit and you saw it happen. If your car is not new now, remember when it was. If it is new now, go ahead and put yourself there. What are your emotions right at that moment? Would it be something like "ARRRRGGGHHH, My new CAR!!" "Look what you did to my new car!" Maybe it is a spill on the leather, ooh or maybe a pen mark. God I hate those. How would you feel? Crazy is my guess. It is how I would have felt. Brand new paint, brand new leather now tarnished.

How about if someone in your family gets sick, very sick. Maybe dies. I don't know, maybe it's a parent, well they are getting older so it might be expected, maybe it's a sibling, or a spouse, or god-help us maybe it's a child. Maybe it is you. Could be a car accident, could just be genetics or what you do after you get home from work that is bringing on the sickness or disease. What would your first thought be? I am not trying to guess what that thought would be, it could be anything but I wonder if "Why, now" or "Why me" or "Why so soon" would be a thought somewhere in there.

These scenarios are endless, like a marriage that is breaking up, two lovers (you being one of them) who pledged their life to one another only to be asking for referrals for a good lawyer two-three years later. Why is this all surprising? Why are you surprised that your tire just got a flat, that a family member just got sick, or that your relationship did not go forever? It's the way we here in the West think.

It's their attitude of the future that is allowing a sense of peace for one person even in light of all of these things. Not bliss mind you sadness will occur in any of these situations, but peace is attained when our minds are shifted from what we expect to what will probably be. What the hell does that mean? Who does he think he is now anyway? Suddenly he thinks he is a bald monk with a long white beard, floating on a cloud of steam crosslegged, high on a peak in Tibet passing out wisdom. Well no…but hmmm. I like it.

The biggest difference I see is what you expect will happen and what will happen. There is a belief in the east that, and Forest Gump apparently put it on a T-Shirt, that says Shit Happens. That is it. That is the difference. Get that into your everyday thinking and life will suddenly not be perfect but will be manageable. Those in the East expect for bad things to happen, not in a pessimistic way, but in a real sort of way. You can be absolutely sure when you buy that new car tomorrow at some point in the near future, and I mean within a year, you will have a nick, ding or scrape somewhere. FOR SURE! You can be sure of it because the only cars that are perfect and are 5 years or older are re-conditioned ones. There is a flaw in every car and not one owner wanted it that way. After a while when you get a ding, you stop noticing it, but when you get another its like life just came to a grinding halt. "ANOTHER!??" Well yeah. Duh. It happens. Shit happens.

If you were to instead get that car, and have a loving talk with it before you go to sleep that night and say something like, "Car, I love you. You are the most beautiful thing in my life(More so than my wife or kids) and I am sooo proud to own you, but I know you are going to get a few nicks, dings and scratches both inside and out as I own you, I realize you will not be perfect forever, but I am going to really try to make the best of it. Really try to fix what I can when it occurs and move on with my day" "I wont kill those that make the ding because it was bound to happen, the universe is an imperfect place, hell it could have just as easy of been a meteor." "Shit will happen to you, but in my eyes you will always be beautiful."
Now six months later your kid or best friend or spouse whacks the door into a telephone pole and marks the edge. What are you going to do? Well getting mad is okay, everyone gets mad, but remember that it was absolutely inevitable. Decide whether or not you can fix it, and be glad it was not worse. Because the next time it probably will be.

What if we went into every situation with that mentality? How about your new love? Have you said to someone in your life that you promise to stay with them forever? Did you really mean it at the time? Are you still with that person? Show of hands in the audience. Two? Way back in the corner? Well good for you that is awesome. But what about the rest of us? Were we lying, stupid or deceived? No, no and no. Well some of each may have been involved but please don't comment about those, unless its funny. Did we verbally say we knew it would be "hard" to those around us, but really believed that it would just work out? When people say it is going to be 'hard', they are really saying hey Shit will Happen and you both need to start expecting it now so when it does, you can say "Ahhh, here it is, the ding in our relationship everyone told us was going to happen. Well can we fix it? A little paint here or there?" You knew it would happen after all, so why not prepare for it? If you know for sure, absolutely for sure that at some point in your driving life you will get a flat tire, and it will for sure be at the most inopportune time, why don't you have AAA? Why don't you know how to easily change a flat? Why are you not prepared for it, because it should not be a surprise. Its going to happen. Why when your washer breaks or your engine dies is coming up with five hundred bucks so hard? These things are going to happen, you will blow out a tire, blow out an engine or at least blow out some underwear, so where is your cash for it? WHERE? Most disasters cost less than five hundred bucks, they will happen to you, and will ruin your day, maybe your week or month if you don't have it in the bank. BUT….oh here is the good part. IF you do. Then what? Heee. See how good it feels when your engine breaks, and the mechanic says well that is going to be five hundred and forty two dollars to fix. And all you have to think is "Uhm, well this sucks, but okay" Write a check, and start to prepare for the next one, hoping it does not happen before you replenish.

Bad stuff in our lives is going to happen. Sometimes all at once like in that Mark Walberg movie The Perfect Storm. Three big disasters that on their own could be manageable, stressful as hell but manageable come together at the same time to create a chaos in your life that is just too much. Well that is life too, but then its time to call out for help. Send up some red flares and rally the troops. Those you call will be much more eager to help this time because you did not bug them for that five hundred buck six months ago for the car.

Next time you get into a relationship with that seemingly perfect someone, tell yourself that you will be okay without this person if the worst should happen. Keep reminding yourself of that too. Never think "Ahhh I have finally arrived at paradise. From here on out I am a happily married person" No, you are an individual who will be fine on their own regardless. You don't need anyone, however you can make life much more pleasant with the right partner in it. Go for the good stuff, relationships are great. Marriage is great, I am all for it, and hope to be again one day. But I will expect there to be issues, I will expect to confront the possibility of that person not being in my life at some point, and will just do whatever I can to keep that from happening. Falling in love means neither a perfect future nor a loss of self. If it did, the world would be full of lost souls, losers who could not make it. But it isn't. It is full of people who are moving on. Start thinking down every road, inside every door is an opportunity, but also a problem waiting to happen. You can solve them and will overcome them, but now you can anticipate them. Are you ready?