Work and our definition of ourself

While sitting in a comfortable booth at a Starbucks up in the Issaquah area of Washington, a fire just in front of my feet, and busy, helpful and courteous workers behind me mixing up coffees in near endless varieties of whooshing sounds, I start to look around. The crowd in here is different than others I visit. It does not take a rocket scientist to predict what type of person would visit a particular store just based on the surrounding demographics but still, its extremely different from what I am used to and odd. I feel out of place, and definately stand out. The last time I stood out this much, and then it was more extreme was when I made a bad choice to stop for fast food in Phoenix in an area I was unfamiliar with. A very, very bad area. I do not remember at all what I ate, or even if I finished, but remember clearly how good I felt when the door closed and locked. Whew.
This is just as odd, just not as scary. Around me right now, in front, beside and all along the windows are women. Women with sweats on to be more precise. Lots of hair up in pony tails, lots of loose sweat pants and shirts, and strollers. I should mention it is about eleven o'clock in the morning on a thursday and i am in a suit working on my laptop. Now clearly taking a break(yes smartass). There are kids running around like its a romper room and no one is flinching or blinking twice when a chair tips over or a 9 month old begins to scream. This is a living room i just realized and its a playdate. I am the only male and I was not invited.
I look at the women and am not at all looking down at them, just wondering what is going on in their heads. Again, its noble to stay home with the kids, a good thing, both for the kid in most situations, and for society, but I dont understand the mentality of the women here. Its not so much the fact that the 'Dont touch' mentality/rule that I keep for my kids when at a store is not in effect here, its not the noise that goes ungrimmaced. Its not the fact that the store employees are picking up stuff that the kids drop, only to hear a very distant "Im Sorry" from an unattentive parent across the room. Its just a wonder about life that is so different from mine. Its not that mine is better, I will joke about theirs because its different, but I really dont see how they keep their sanity. How is it that one woman can do this and another could not in a million years imagine this life? How is it that I can love my kids as much as I do, spend as much time with them as I do, and not imagine for one second not having a career to keep me stimulated, stressed and excited.
The world I walked into there at that Starbucks was different than mine. These were women who could A. afford to stay home all day and meet friends for coffee, and B. wanted to. Again, there is nothing at all, not one thing wrong with this, but how do they do it? I think this leads me to a question, and I might not like the answer; Who defines our life, and by what definition do we define our own?
When I meet someone they inevidently ask me what I do at some point. Some sooner than others, especially if they are more interested in my wallet than my abilities with a BBQ. I always answer, and since I am proud to do what I do, I feel good about it. But why? When someone asks me "What do you do?" why is the answer immediately about work, and not something like, well I like to Rollerblade, salsa dance, jog with my dog and go out with friends for happy hours downtown. That is what I like to do, but my answer is never that, nor is anyone elses. The answer is about my work. It has become what defines me to me. That scares me a bit and even though I will probably never lose this job, it is my chosen career, if I did, what would I think of myself? Would I think less of myself, even though my closest friends would not? Would you think less of yourself were you to lose your great job?
When I imagine what it would be like to lose my job, and be asked "what do you do" while in between this job and the next, I cringe. I am truely proud to do what I do, and would be embarrased to not have it anymore. That scares me. My view of myself should be based on my charactor, my creativity, my attention to my family etc. Not my work first then all of the above later. But the longer the Title on your business card (if you even have them) the more important it is to you it seems. Those who get along fine without all the desires for upward mobility seem to put less pressure on themselves and I think might be ultimately more happy. A title is not who we are. But to society it matters a lot. More than it should.
I have been trying to for the last few months to not, when I meet someone new, ask them what they do. I dont want to know. I dont want that conversation to come up until i get to decide whether or not i even like them on face value. Sometimes he/she will ask first then i am stuck, but sometimes they dont. I think sometimes the other person does not want to play that game either and appreciates the lack of pressure. What if my job is better than theirs (seemingly to them) then how will that affect our ability to become friends? Or vice-versa. We should establish a friendship based on charactor not on who has the better job, fatter wallet, or bigger penis. Ok maybe that last one we should keep. That is clearly important! Just a thought.