Gemstones, puppies and Herpes

Gemstones, puppies and Herpes

No, I am not a psychic, nor do I have espn, but I will shock you with my unique revelation that puppies are universally cute. A thought that I am sure no one has ever pondered before. There is absolutely a charismatic edge given to a seven week old puppy over the seven year old hound sleeping in the corner. However, and this is the important point, had you just spent the last seven years with the hound dog, the puppy would have only a fleeting appeal. You certainly would never consider a trade in. Would you? Would it be safe to say that neither the puppy nor the hound really have anything to do with their own level of charisma? Nothing they could do, or have done affects this and so is not really their fault. And if this is true, then this leads to the question, do any of us? If we are born attractive, unattractive, with eleven fingers or flippers is it our fault, can we accept a compliment, or hang our proverbial hats on the fact that we won the cosmic lottery, at least in our own minds? If it's not our fault that we find ourselves with a scar across our face that makes us less attractive, then it's not our fault that we are born with porcelain skin and are found to be attractive. Get over yourself if you think you are hot. You had very little to do with it.
In this same vein I would have to also say that there are very few 7 foot people who do not play basketball. Why wouldn't they? They have a completely natural advantage and since that is a large part of the game, if they apply themselves and become better, they can be very successful at it. But what would Shaq be doing today had he been born as a six foot one guy who weighs 190, instead of seven footer weighing 300? Sure he has worked hard for where he is and is talented but without the cosmic lotto that he drew in-vitro none of what he has accomplished would be possible. How then can he accept compliments on what he has done, when his size had the most to do with it? What is he accepting the compliment on, his genetically superior, for the game of basketball (and killing dudes like me), genes? Had this been the 12th century a guy born like Shaq would be carrying a sword weighing as much as me, lopping off the heads of anyone who did not bow down and kiss his ring.
I have recently found myself enjoying the shopping and bidding buzz surrounding ebay, and have even gotten a little carried away with it. Something about the competitive sense in my nature has me trying to win things that I don't necessarily want, much less need. Remembering now how I would stay in the house, even plan my day around being near my computer so that when the last ten minutes of the auction approached I would be ready to type in my new bids with the dexterity of a shao-lin monk today really take me back. Getting so into the character I would carry chopsticks to practice catching flies out of mid-air. Click-click, snap-snap!
In my last bidding frenzy I bought raw gems. Emeralds, rubies and amethysts that were just recently mined from the ground. They are sold, cheaply I might add, in little bags about the size of a marble container, and arrive covered in dirt and completely raw from the ground. Are they worth anything? Well it's beside the point and I would say not likely, but sure there is a chance you could get out your Dremmel and work off some of the substrate and find yourself with a gem that then just needs to be cut and polished. A lot of work, more work than I am willing to wager on this gamble and I prefer them just they way they are anyway so I will leave them alone. The amethysts and emeralds have been the best so far (FYI) and sit proudly in a crystal dish on the kitchen window sill. The rubies, just don't look like much.
I like the raw gems, and I like puppies but what, if anything do they have to do with us fighting for relationships and peace in our lives, or with each other? Why is so much value given to the first impression of physical attraction, when it's not their accomplishment, and after given some time the importance of the physical attraction drops to such a low priority? For example, how many of you have been out on a date, or maybe you are slow and actually married this person, who was stunningly attractive only to find their 'attractiveness' wane as you got to know them better. Hearing the words they allow out of their mouth, or the attitude they display about themselves or towards others can make them less attractive over time. You can find yourself sitting next to a staggeringly attractive person that you just can't stand. More importantly the opposite can be true. A complete lack of physical attraction can be overcome by spending time with someone and getting to know them and what they offer aside from their looks. Being able to see into a persons heart by spending time with them can open up a level of attraction that is much deeper and long lasting than one based on initial impressions. If we marry someone we love, and something happens to them that is not their fault, a fire, a car accident, whatever, and their physical attractiveness lowers, like the hound over the years, would you trade them in? Of course not, your love for the person you have spent time with would be more than enough. You had seen them at their worst already, and because they accepted and supported you at your worst you love them and trust them. A scar or limp won't change that, couldn't change it. I think we all know this on a logical level, but are still affected by this phenomenon on an emotional level every day. What happens to someone does not change who they are as a person at all.
A new reader asked me to write something about those affected with herpes and how they live essentially under the radar for the rest of their lives hiding the fact. Hoping to find, like all of us love, to find someone who will accept their very personal 'flaw' and see what else they have to offer. For all of those who are not now adult-virgins waiting till marriage, you are all riding the very same ragged edge of disaster that they tripped on and fell off of. Herpes or some other STD is absolutely something you may encounter. If you did, even if you tried to be careful, i.e. used condoms, and still got it, would you consider it your fault, or a fault that makes you worth less than the day before? Do you consider it their fault then, those who do get it? Sure there is abstinence and the true argument that anyone who plays the game takes their chances. So if you are an adult virgin you have the only upper hand for this moral argument. The rest of us are just one Margareta away from feeling the shame of being an 'outsider' looking in wishing we could get back into the game.
I have not found myself unlucky enough to have gotten a DWI or an STD. But because I have played with both kinds of fire, I have to say that I am just lucky so far. Sure I am careful, and more and more so as I get older, but do I have the right to think myself better than someone who now finds themselves with either a DWI or an STD? It was luck, again a cosmic lottery that they won or lost that brings them to this point in life. Should they feel ashamed, should we allow them to? If your next third date found you talking closely with someone you really liked and they tell you, through a massive effort I am sure, that they have herpes, but are doing their best to control it, what would you do? Might depend on how many perceived options you have I suppose. If you have yet to have had a scarring accident, acquired an un-curable disease, or developed a tail you have an option. Stay or go and look for someone more attractive. Educate yourself on the risks and analyze the rewards, then weigh them out. I can say for sure that there have been people in my life that I would have had a fourth date with and those that I would have walked out on. The STD would have amplified my thoughts, and either made my desire for the great person in front of me, to be with me, or would have brought what I already found to be unattractive more closely to the surface. I think it would speed up the decision making.
Clean up an ugly raw gem and it will shine forever, and because you did the work, will have more than just a monetary value. Raise a puppy to adulthood and you have something more than just a cute wiggly dog, you have an investment in time that results in deep love. Spend time with a person, listen to their words, their heart and find more potential mates in the world that you could possibly point at in the local mall. The person you are going to most enjoy in the world is the one whose attributes you admire because of what they did, not how they were born. Their affective decisions, and efforts in life are easy to view based on their present situation and if those are all attractive, then their physical beauty is just icing on an already decadent cake. Their perceived faults nothing more than examples of their personal fortitude and how they deal with disaster. The Emerald did not make a good choice in becoming an emerald rather than sandstone, Shaq did not study his way to becoming enormous, and a person with an incurable STD did not chose it either. Companions in life, are not the ones we most want to be seen with, they are the ones we most want to be with… when alone.